20 Years and Counting

Useful Toddler Distractions

2011-01-09T20:49:00.000-05:00

Toddlers and young children are a handful at home. When you take that busy little person to a place outside the home, and expect them to sit and wait, things can get ugly. Waiting for dinner to arrive or for their sibling's class to end can seem an eternity. Before your patience runs screaming from the room, remember to swim downstream... not upstream.

Instead of seeking a quiet moment to yourself, or time for adult talk, make the most of "now." Expecting your toddler to be patient like an adult is asking him to act-out to get your attention.

There are definitely tricks to making the waiting less painful. After a few minutes of "shhh" and "sit still," the parent may be looking for some options that work for toddlers. First, try asking your child to tell you a story, or about something that happened today. Toddlers treasure moments when they are the center of your attention and you are truly listening.

If they are too active to talk, try a distraction. Take the child's mind off the waiting with a story, song, rhyme, bounce on the knee or task. Your child will be thrilled with ANYTHING to do, and you will be happy they are occupied. Some favorite distractions are:

A sheet of stickers they can apply to your purse or sleeve. (Applying the sticker could be a reward for a some action or service, like identifying colors or letters.)
A game of "I spy." This is a fun game to play with the camera on your cell phone. They close their eyes, you snap a picture, then they guess where the photo was taken. Zoom in for more challenging matches.
Tell a story or read from a favorite book.
Pull out a small toy you save for "quiet time" occasions.
Offer crayons and paper. Ask them to draw your house or draw a portrait of you. The child's favorite part, of course, is your appreciation of their artwork.
Keep a sheet of removable window decals handy for a quick diversion.
A cup of chipped ice and a spoon. Endless entertainment your waiter can offer, for free. Add an empty cup and they can transfer from cup to cup.
Ask them to slide a penny across the table into your hand. If your child is past the choke-able objects stage, this simple game is readily available.
Toddlers need to move. If you can do your waiting where there is an open area for running, like an empty hallway, try sending the toddler after a bouncy ball.
Paper airplanes.

Believe it or not, you will miss these times. Enjoy your adorable little one!

Making It A Happy New Year

2011-01-05T12:58:00.001-05:00

Walk along with the crowd or choose my own direction?

Happy new year to you! As I walk into 2011, I am going to change my perspective. Rather than focusing on how much weight I have to lose or the state of my home, I choose to focus my energies this year on the timeless adage, "Be the change you want to see in the world" (Ghandi). How can a busy mother of three who works outside the home find time to "be the change?" Answering that question is my goal for 2011.

Part of "being" is living the way you want others to live. A parent's life is a model for her children. We teaching them how to be. Leading by example. Thinking this through, there are several areas in which I could stand some improvement.

Better food choices. Plan, prepare and teach healthy food options.
Minimize materialism. Keep the focus on enjoying our time together and not the need for things or possessions.
Fly. Although not a strict follower of the "Fly Lady" if I can keep up a little each day, my life will run more smoothly and I will be less witchy at home. Keeping organized will help me to find time to reach my goals.
Find my niche. One person can't each change the world, but I can make the best of what I have and try to find my personal niche to make a difference. What is the task that I enjoy, that targeted toward a worthy cause will improve lives outside of my immediate family. Determining this is my goal for January.

I hope you will join me in my quest to make the world a better place.

20 Non-Food Rewards for Kids

2010-04-05T16:56:00.007-04:00

When you are looking for a quick reward for your children, fast food, ice cream cones and candy are easy solutions... easy, but not healthy. If you are working toward healthier eating habits for your family, or just motivation for them to complete their chores, think beyond cookies. Here are twenty rewards that kids love. These treats add to your relationship rather than their waists.

Imagine the homework and chores being completed without complaint. How? Offer your children what they want most. If you are like most parents, stopping to play one-on-one with your kids rarely happens between loads of laundry, meals and homework. You can create a win-win situation by rewarding your children with your time and focus... the two things they love the most.

Simply knowing that they are working toward a reward motivates them and makes chores or multiplication tables more tolerable. Here are some family favorites.

Kid choice: set the timer for 15-30 minutes, and tell your child they get to tell you what to do until the timer goes off. Your child does not want you to answer the phone.
Let your child take pictures with your cell phone, and you guess what they are, then switch.
Play catch on the steps, with them sitting at the top
Painting, coloring, or craft time with Mom
Play a game or put together a puzzle together on the kitchen table, or online.
A two-player computer or Wii game, child vs. parent
A game of hide and seek with mom or dad... either hide yourself, or hide small toys and they find them.
Play keep-away with Daddy: floor wrestling
Set up an obstacle course and run it with the kids
Go on an outing: pick apples; explore by the river. Pick up one of their friends on the way and let them join in the fun.
Buy them a new book or ball and enjoy it with them.
Swim WITH them.
Walk with them while they scooter or ride a little bike.
Play Pig! Shoot some baskets together
A friend sleep-over, or assist your teen to meet her friends somewhere
A scavenger hunt you make for them
A pillow fight up on mom's bed
Play i-spy together
Family bike ride or visit to your playground
Read a favorite book or watch a family movie together

If rewards alone are not helping get the homework done, perhaps your children are overwhelmed. Let them know how long the task will take, and what fun awaits them when it is completed. Teach them to break large tasks in to bite-size pieces. Try making a list of small tasks and and let them cross them off as they are completed.

Make sure that you help them through a new task the first time. Don't assume they know how. Fear of doing something incorrectly, or being judged harshly turns chores into arguments. Go easy on them at first with lots of encouragement and little criticism. Even if the results are not stellar the first few attempts, eventually the child will achieve a comfort level with the task and take pride in doing it well.

Kerri Brimmer
Mom of 3 and enterpreneur
Naptime Productions Custom Cards

Kids Scared of Dogs

2010-03-26T12:33:00.003-04:00

I am a professed cat lover. Early on as a parent, it was apparent to me that my eldest child had not acquired my love of animals. Like her father, she did not like the cats; the cats did not like her. The first few times she was around dogs, especially large dogs, she was afraid. So, to train her and her siblings how to live with dogs, we got one. (One of the cats flipped out and now lives in the basement away from the dogs, but nothing in family life is simple.)

Life with our Maisy was great. We loved the dog. The dog loved us. Unfortunately, she was terminally ill and we only got to enjoy her company for about six months. At this point, we have three heart-broken children. For some odd reason, their father thought a puppy would be a good childhood adventure. (foolish man!) Of course, logic holds that once you see a puppy, you want a puppy. We came home with two. Double mistake. Then adopted one more two years later.

Four years after losing Maisy, we have three dogs and two kids who like them. The non-pet lover has learned to live with and tolerate dogs. We have done a crappy job training them, thus they are hyper and hard to live with. They compete with each other for attention; you pet one, you get three... tounges out... with only two hands. Here is the score after almost five years of dog ownership:

3 Dogs - rescued and happy: 3 points to Dogs

3 Kids - accustomed to large animals and some training: 6 points to People

12 Paws - yard is a trampled muddy mess: 3 points to Dogs

2 Cats - must live separately from Dogs due to uncooperative personalities: 2 points to Dogs

1 Husband - pick up a LOT during poop patrol: 3 points to Dogs

1 Wife - brushing and cleaning and hair and more hair: 3 points to Dogs

Money - annual vet visits, food, heartworm meds, flea meds: 3 points to Dogs

Laughs - the antics can be quite funny: 3 points to People

Affection - kids can be found curled up with dogs to cuddle: 2 points to people

And there you go. The Dogs have it with a six points lead according to Mom. I am sure the kids would score things differently.

The Balance of Motherhood

2010-03-06T11:41:00.004-05:00

If I could go back and relive any portion of my life, I would choose the first few weeks with my first born. The newborn baby emotions are so strong, and I only had her to focus on. Those touching mothering moments do continue, thankfully, in just the necessary proportion to keep you from taking your children OUT when they get older.

The beauty and balance of motherhood is created by one beautiful moment to balance each disgusting one. And a lot of patience. Examples:

Mustard colored, runny baby poop down the legs to balance the warm snuggly infant sleeping on your chest.
Throwing their toddler food from the high chair to the floor balances the hug they spontaneously give with "I wuv you Mama!"
Crying at the store because you said, "No" to candy balances with the joy of hearing them read to you in first grade.
Your third-grader burps on purpose all through dinner is balanced by the joy of watching your children create a special bond with each other.
Your high-school student out-and-out refuses to cooperate at a family function balances the pride you feel when they come happy about their grade on a school project.
The cost of a new trampoline balances the joy of watching them have fun jumping.
The pain of watching them struggle with a mistake they made balances their knowledge to handle it differently the next time.

Swimming Uphill Both Ways

2010-02-26T16:02:00.003-05:00

My greatest fear about becoming a parent was that I would no longer have time to do the things I wanted to do. During the first few months I swam upstream, trying to complete tasks on my old schedule. Giving in to my child's needs first, and letting myself have the scraps actually worked well for years. Sure, I'd get frazzled, but then I would find a little island and lounge in the sun for a while. Refreshed, I would meet the next lap with patience and sometimes, creative ideas. When I would try to accomplish anything... like making a phone call, or writing out a thank you note, or reading an article, I was quickly reminded why I never did these things any more by the demanding whine of a child.

Spoiled? Maybe. I tried to work our life so that their needs were met, then I would get my stuff in IF it worked out, later.

Then they got bigger. The children took longer and longer stretches away from my side. They played independently and got their own snacks. I could actually get some things done, and actually work at home. Wow. Lovin' it.

How quickly I forgot. School-age children, not unlike my younger children, still need mom. I still seem to pick bad times to take on a project. They still need me. And we are starting to think about colleges for the oldest. Remind me tomorrow to put the blog entry on the list for tomorrow. My sixth grader wants to read together.

I love being a Mom.

One Big Family

2010-02-12T11:48:00.003-05:00

This week I let the complaints flow freely to my friends at work. Crazy stories about a crazy in-law who was pushing my patience limits. My experiences with this particular relative seemed very unusual to me. I have never run into another woman like her. As I related stories from the previous couple days, my friend said, "We don't look alike, but now I know that we are related." She proceeded to share frighteningly similar stories about her in-laws. EEEK! There are two of them!!!

From recent experiences, I have decided that each family hold certain characters in its keep. Do you have one each of these? Perhaps you have to marry into another bunch of loonies to get the complete set. And NO family is playing with a full deck.

The Dependent - A grown adult who chooses not to stand on their own two feet, and instead calls out for help on every occasion

The Chronic Whiner - relentlessly complaining, no matter how little you care, or how often you have been told

The Black Sheep - This position often shifts from one sibling to another as the years pass.

The Angel - the Black Sheep's complement. Angel and Black Sheep can alternate frequently.

The Achiever - No stopping this person. And no one can measure up.

The Coaster - Can effortlessly land in a pile of shit and come up with a diamond.

The Peacemaker - Somehow ends up pulling the family together just when you thought you couldn't stand each other.

The Smotherer - Put on a sweater because I am cold. You can take it off when I warm up.

The Provider - Steady and stable, making Thanksgiving dinner possible.

I think I want to change my roles. The Angel sounds good. It would be nice to never hear myself complain.

Siblings Forever

2010-02-04T13:33:00.003-05:00

We opted to give our children siblings; life-long gifts to each other. Their own community in which to grow. Support each other. Be honest with each other. Argue. Compete. Love.

This week I had the rare opportunity to be with my siblings and parents for a long weekend. Just adults. Nothing special happened; we just spent time together. Laughed and gardened. Cooked and visited. It was refreshing to be in the company of people who know me and accept me as I am, with no expectations other than to be in the same house. No tension. 'Lotta love.

My kids are still young. They argue over chores, occasionally lash out and practice their communication skills on each other. Once they reach adulthood they will, hopefully, be past the bickering and just be there for each other. And hopefully, will find themselves with a special connection that lasts for life. One day, at a family reunion, I hope they look around at their children and their siblings and feel glad to have each one. I know I am.

What does it all mean?

2010-01-29T10:27:00.002-05:00

This week we lost one of our parents. He was not ready to go, but his body was not willing to cooperate. Very sad.

The last few days, the family walks around in a stupor. The chores at home, the problems at the office, even the kids struggles seem meaningless. Did I ever tell Tom that I loved him? That I appreciated all he did for our family?

We live our lifes. But what do they mean? We get so caught up in our daily routines, that we become them. What is left after you take away your employment/career, errands, education, meals and chores? Your personality. Your relationships. Your feelings. So we ARE feelings. Feelings about what you like and love, what makes you happy, who makes you happy. So perhaps, the most lasting effect you have have here on earth is to leave good feelings in other people. Confidence about themselves. Fun, happiness and hope. Because that is all there is.

The rest of the week I will be writing thank you notes to the many thoughtful people whom my father-in-law touched. Then maybe those people who were saddened by the loss of Tom will feel appreciated a little, too.

Give Less, Get More?

2010-01-20T09:20:00.004-05:00

This goes totally against my female thought processes. Stop giving.

When we were listening to the Venus/Mars book on tape, this topic was discussed. It was an eye-opener to me. Men are keeping score. I don't consciously keep score. Never have. Giving is just second nature. Being helpful to family members is a reflex.

My hubby needs a hand, dinner, or didn't get to the dishes... I help. Since he is keeping score, he owes me for each favor I do him. This was news to this brain. I help because I choose to. If I didn't want to give, I have that option. Each time he did something for the family or for me, he then felt he was caught up. He had given back. I see him working away, feel guilty because I am playing Sudoku, and pick up my pace. Then he has to catch up again. Poor guy. It would helped if I was aware of the scoreboard years ago.

This last weekend, he invited several guys over to watch football. He says he wants to keep it "simple." This is said to reduce any stress I may be feeling about what to serve. I normally cook a couple things and spend the game time running food and drinks up and down the steps. So I call him on it. "Sweetheart. I am glad you are having friends over. Are any of the wives coming?" No. They weren't invited. He assumed (no doubt, correctly) that they would rather have the afternoon free. "So," I say, "I could go shopping during your game?" After a brief moment of shock, he says, "OK. I can get the food." My look of disbelief spoke volumes. But he never fails to amaze me. He says, "I don't usually get the food because you do. If you don't I will."

Sheesh. Why didn't I think of that. All these years, I just needed to sit down. His sense of scorekeeping would have caused him to take a shift being the host. Now, if only I liked football.

Stop my children from growing up!

2010-01-14T13:16:00.003-05:00

When we were newly married and watched our friends have children, they told us to enjoy them now, because once the children start school the clock spins even faster. Before you know it, they will be grown and gone. I made a point of trying to live in the moment, but 16 years have whipped by and I think I blinked. As I design yet another graduation invitation for another niece or nephew, I realize that my oldest is next. I crave the days with a little baby to hold, even though I also remember wishing she would take a nap so I could get something done. My husband laughs asks why I would want that time back. "They are so great now," he says, "and we don't have to chase after them." Parenting is so bitter-sweet. The next 10 years will also go by in a flash, and then I will be home with an empty nest, wishing I could have my babies again. :( There is always volunteer work.

Husband Earns Points

2009-12-13T19:47:00.005-05:00

As we have practiced how to get along together over many years of marriage, my husband has become a bit of an expert on the politically correct way to say things to me. Perhaps this was spurred on my some angry outbursts on my part, but either way, he has persuasion down to a fine art.

If he wants me to switch the laundry, he doesn't ask, "Could you switch the laundry today." He carefully weaves, "[Sigh] I didn't have time to switch the laundry this morning. I can get to it when I get home tonight." This works on several levels. If I am also overwhelmed, it will wait until tonight, and so goes our crazy life. Buuuuut, since he knows I try to help him when he is overwhelmed, I will probably go down and switch the laundry, with a smile on my face. We're both happier.

Compliments are nice, and kind words go far. He has provided these during our entire relationship. Somehow the understanding of how to ask for my help or cooperation without raising my hackles has an even bigger impact on the day-to-day life together.

This is not the only art he has mastered over the years. He discovered a few years ago that flowers or cooking sooth the savage wife-beast. I smell cinnamon at this moment while he is making chocolate bread pudding. And we didn't even have an argument. He just discovered that in addition to being fun, cooking special treats earns him points. 'Cause if the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Next task, the art of talking to the kids.

Holiday Traditions

2009-12-06T21:14:00.004-05:00

We asked the kids, "Do you want to attend the gingerbread house decorating fundraiser again this year?" Their answer was a quick, resounding, "yes!" It appears that last year we created a new family tradition when we attended this event. They raved about it. I remembered it as enjoyable, crowded and uncomfortably warm. The memories the children pulled forth held a little magic. So we went again. More magic.

Sometimes it seems the magic of the Christmas tradations is not made of actual events, which have the same ups and downs of family life, but the selective memories preserved from each event. We tend to remember the good, and the laughter. So every year we make new holiday traditions, trying to recreate some spontaneous fun or unplanned event that stuck in our childrens' minds as magical.

This year we will revive an old holiday tradition of making plaster-gauze masks on New Years eve. We have probably succeeded in pulling off this group activity five times over 20 years. But to the children, it is a priceless element of the family holiday season. My youngest will join his older cousins who remember the tradition and it will be set in him too. That is truly the beauty of the season...

Life with Children

2009-12-03T20:42:00.004-05:00

Do all parents wonder what they did with their time before they had kids? The toddler years are expectedly busy because you are running after fast and dangerous little critters. The only purpose for chairs is for them to climb on and fall off of. You never get to sit down.

The young school age years are a series of the call, "Mom," "Mom," "Mom, Look!" You may become accustomed to this crazy series of interruptions, but it does become apparent as soon as you try to make a long phone call, or need ten minutes to finish a puzzle... in quiet. There is no 10 minute interval of quiet with school-age kids.

Our oldest is mid-high school age. She is a challenge on a whole new level. It is both enjoyable and dangerous that she will not need me for hours on end. How much space to give? How much contact is enough, without invading her privacy? The mystery continues. The only thing I have learned from 37 kid-years of parenting is that by the time I figure out what to do, the problem has morphed into a new one.

And I wouldn't give up a minute.... except when they bicker!

Love Thyself

2009-11-29T14:20:00.002-05:00

My body is not what it used to be! I was never a model with willowy
limbs, but this is sad. Really.

One day I was talking to my beautiful, willowy niece. She told me to
"love my tree". It turns out that she has trouble loving accepting
her body as well, and reminds herself to love her tree when she
starts to criticize her own body.

Reality is that I am rather attached to my body, and better make the
best of living with it. Of course, I still have goals to work out
more, eat less, eat more healthily. Accepting myself while I meet or
ignore these goals, on alternating days, is the trick. I have noticed
that my svelte sisters worry just as much about their bodies as I do,
but are much closer to a willowy tree. Maybe the satisfaction never
comes. We are dissatisfied with our body image no matter what we look
like: 17 firm and fit, 45 soft and rounded, or 47 firm and fit. The
trick to being happy with your body, therefore, is not to be the
perfect size or shape. It is to accept what we have, learn to
appreciate it, and not try to be a different tree.

My husband walked into the room today and made an appreciative noice
as I reached up to trim a plant. I laughed. Surely he must be joking
that he appreciated the view my short robe provided as I reached up.
Or maybe he wasn't joking. I think he loves my tree.

21 Years and Counting

2009-09-21T05:57:00.003-04:00

For our 21st wedding anniversary, we thought we'd go out for a nice dinner. But, the Japanese Steak House will have to wait for life with our kids to settle down. We did have a nice lunch together on our anniversary, and bought a slice of white wedding cake to bring home and share with the kids for dessert... after the normal running to practices and lessons.

My husband earned major points this summer when he brought along the book on tape, Men are From Mars and Women are from Venus, on our vacation. Not only was it a huge gesture on his part, but the book was very relevant to several of our communication issues, and I felt better just sitting and listening with him.

His attempt to make things better was HUGE, and the book was surprisingly relevant. The biggest tip I picked up from the book was so simple. Yet, this basic element was something I rarely thought about and did only sporadically. It was to continually let him know I appreciate what he does and am glad he is here. This basic element of his feeling of satisfaction in our relationship, the cement of our friendship, would simply disappear in the chaos of work, kids, chores and running. It was a habit I had gotten out of.

I highly recommend the book, on tape, together.

Anniversary Memory Box

2008-11-13T21:13:00.003-05:00

Here's an anniversary gift idea I used recently solved the problem of
our "no gift" rule for our anniversary. I surprised my husband with a
simple box from the craft store filled with 20 sentimental items we
have collected over our 20 years of marriage... a pebble from a vacation, a photo
from the fridge, a picture of each kid, and other memories.

It was very fun to look through together, a great conversation
starter and the kids loved being in on the secret of filling the box.
Total cost: $7 for the box.

Date Night for Couples

2008-10-29T21:32:00.001-04:00

We have a tradition we love. Near Valentine's Day each year, either
the husbands or the wives plan a surprise night out for the others.
The first year, we sent the husbands on a treasure hunt to find us.
People at the various stops had clues to hand the husbands until they
found us at a restaurant waiting to have dinner with them. One stop
was a local bar where they could shoot a game of pool, one stop was a
florist shop, etc.

The following year they outdid the wives with a crazy treasure hunt
leading us various places including a local bar that had feather boas
for each of us behind the counter, another location that had
chocolate boxes with our pictures on them, and Victoria's Secret,
where a gift waited for us. We ended with a very nice dinner and a
ton of laughs.

One year we did a not-so-newlywed game where the husbands had to
answer questions we created just for them. Questions like "what is
your youngest child's shoe size?" and "where has your wife always
wanted to go on vacation?" were laughter traps, as were some of the
racier questions. Each husband was given a roll of quarters. For each
"correct" answer (according to the wife), he got to keep the quarter.
For each wrong answer, the quarter was thrown into the pot. My
husband was throwing the quarters in before the question was read by
the end.

Each year has been different and very fun. Great memories for all six
of us.

Wife 1

Marital Bliss

2008-10-29T19:30:00.000-04:00

The four of us, two couples, neighbors, have 80 combined years of marriage. This blog is a fun reason for us to laugh together, share a glass of wine, and get a little time away from talking about our children. We hope to post here four different perspectives of the game. Join us if you will!

Marriage is interesting. Purposefully living with the same person, through good times and bad, romance and discovery, babies and home chaos, frustration and anger. Dishes and laundry. Oh the bliss of it all.

You know the saying. The three reasons for a successful marriage are patience, patience and patience. In my marriage, my husband is the patient one. Not that he is patient. We are both firecrackers. But, when I explode, he is smart enough to walk away. I never stay angry for long. Later, it is fun to make up.

On our agenda for this week: 30 errands/meetings/runs for the kids, 18 work days, 14 loads of laundry and dishes, two airplane flights and two hours to play and write a blog entry. Let's go.

Wife 1