What does it all mean?

This week we lost one of our parents. He was not ready to go, but his body was not willing to cooperate. Very sad.

The last few days, the family walks around in a stupor. The chores at home, the problems at the office, even the kids struggles seem meaningless. Did I ever tell Tom that I loved him? That I appreciated all he did for our family?

We live our lifes. But what do they mean? We get so caught up in our daily routines, that we become them. What is left after you take away your employment/career, errands, education, meals and chores? Your personality. Your relationships. Your feelings. So we ARE feelings. Feelings about what you like and love, what makes you happy, who makes you happy. So perhaps, the most lasting effect you have have here on earth is to leave good feelings in other people. Confidence about themselves. Fun, happiness and hope. Because that is all there is.

The rest of the week I will be writing thank you notes to the many thoughtful people whom my father-in-law touched. Then maybe those people who were saddened by the loss of Tom will feel appreciated a little, too.

Give Less, Get More?

This goes totally against my female thought processes. Stop giving.

When we were listening to the Venus/Mars book on tape, this topic was discussed. It was an eye-opener to me. Men are keeping score. I don't consciously keep score. Never have. Giving is just second nature. Being helpful to family members is a reflex.

My hubby needs a hand, dinner, or didn't get to the dishes... I help. Since he is keeping score, he owes me for each favor I do him. This was news to this brain. I help because I choose to. If I didn't want to give, I have that option. Each time he did something for the family or for me, he then felt he was caught up. He had given back. I see him working away, feel guilty because I am playing Sudoku, and pick up my pace. Then he has to catch up again. Poor guy. It would helped if I was aware of the scoreboard years ago.

This last weekend, he invited several guys over to watch football. He says he wants to keep it "simple." This is said to reduce any stress I may be feeling about what to serve. I normally cook a couple things and spend the game time running food and drinks up and down the steps. So I call him on it. "Sweetheart. I am glad you are having friends over. Are any of the wives coming?" No. They weren't invited. He assumed (no doubt, correctly) that they would rather have the afternoon free. "So," I say, "I could go shopping during your game?" After a brief moment of shock, he says, "OK. I can get the food." My look of disbelief spoke volumes. But he never fails to amaze me. He says, "I don't usually get the food because you do. If you don't I will."

Sheesh. Why didn't I think of that. All these years, I just needed to sit down. His sense of scorekeeping would have caused him to take a shift being the host. Now, if only I liked football.

Stop my children from growing up!

When we were newly married and watched our friends have children, they told us to enjoy them now, because once the children start school the clock spins even faster. Before you know it, they will be grown and gone. I made a point of trying to live in the moment, but 16 years have whipped by and I think I blinked. As I design yet another graduation invitation for another niece or nephew, I realize that my oldest is next. I crave the days with a little baby to hold, even though I also remember wishing she would take a nap so I could get something done. My husband laughs asks why I would want that time back. "They are so great now," he says, "and we don't have to chase after them." Parenting is so bitter-sweet. The next 10 years will also go by in a flash, and then I will be home with an empty nest, wishing I could have my babies again. :( There is always volunteer work.