Husband Earns Points

As we have practiced how to get along together over many years of marriage, my husband has become a bit of an expert on the politically correct way to say things to me. Perhaps this was spurred on my some angry outbursts on my part, but either way, he has persuasion down to a fine art.

If he wants me to switch the laundry, he doesn't ask, "Could you switch the laundry today." He carefully weaves, "[Sigh] I didn't have time to switch the laundry this morning. I can get to it when I get home tonight." This works on several levels. If I am also overwhelmed, it will wait until tonight, and so goes our crazy life. Buuuuut, since he knows I try to help him when he is overwhelmed, I will probably go down and switch the laundry, with a smile on my face. We're both happier.

Compliments are nice, and kind words go far. He has provided these during our entire relationship. Somehow the understanding of how to ask for my help or cooperation without raising my hackles has an even bigger impact on the day-to-day life together.

This is not the only art he has mastered over the years. He discovered a few years ago that flowers or cooking sooth the savage wife-beast. I smell cinnamon at this moment while he is making chocolate bread pudding. And we didn't even have an argument. He just discovered that in addition to being fun, cooking special treats earns him points. 'Cause if the wife ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Next task, the art of talking to the kids.

Holiday Traditions

We asked the kids, "Do you want to attend the gingerbread house decorating fundraiser again this year?" Their answer was a quick, resounding, "yes!" It appears that last year we created a new family tradition when we attended this event. They raved about it. I remembered it as enjoyable, crowded and uncomfortably warm. The memories the children pulled forth held a little magic. So we went again. More magic.

Sometimes it seems the magic of the Christmas tradations is not made of actual events, which have the same ups and downs of family life, but the selective memories preserved from each event. We tend to remember the good, and the laughter. So every year we make new holiday traditions, trying to recreate some spontaneous fun or unplanned event that stuck in our childrens' minds as magical.

This year we will revive an old holiday tradition of making plaster-gauze masks on New Years eve. We have probably succeeded in pulling off this group activity five times over 20 years. But to the children, it is a priceless element of the family holiday season. My youngest will join his older cousins who remember the tradition and it will be set in him too. That is truly the beauty of the season...

Life with Children

Do all parents wonder what they did with their time before they had kids? The toddler years are expectedly busy because you are running after fast and dangerous little critters. The only purpose for chairs is for them to climb on and fall off of. You never get to sit down.

The young school age years are a series of the call, "Mom," "Mom," "Mom, Look!" You may become accustomed to this crazy series of interruptions, but it does become apparent as soon as you try to make a long phone call, or need ten minutes to finish a puzzle... in quiet. There is no 10 minute interval of quiet with school-age kids.

Our oldest is mid-high school age. She is a challenge on a whole new level. It is both enjoyable and dangerous that she will not need me for hours on end. How much space to give? How much contact is enough, without invading her privacy? The mystery continues. The only thing I have learned from 37 kid-years of parenting is that by the time I figure out what to do, the problem has morphed into a new one.

And I wouldn't give up a minute.... except when they bicker!