Swimming Uphill Both Ways

My greatest fear about becoming a parent was that I would no longer have time to do the things I wanted to do. During the first few months I swam upstream, trying to complete tasks on my old schedule. Giving in to my child's needs first, and letting myself have the scraps actually worked well for years. Sure, I'd get frazzled, but then I would find a little island and lounge in the sun for a while. Refreshed, I would meet the next lap with patience and sometimes, creative ideas. When I would try to accomplish anything... like making a phone call, or writing out a thank you note, or reading an article, I was quickly reminded why I never did these things any more by the demanding whine of a child.

Spoiled? Maybe. I tried to work our life so that their needs were met, then I would get my stuff in IF it worked out, later.

Then they got bigger. The children took longer and longer stretches away from my side. They played independently and got their own snacks. I could actually get some things done, and actually work at home. Wow. Lovin' it.

How quickly I forgot. School-age children, not unlike my younger children, still need mom. I still seem to pick bad times to take on a project. They still need me. And we are starting to think about colleges for the oldest. Remind me tomorrow to put the blog entry on the list for tomorrow. My sixth grader wants to read together.

I love being a Mom.

One Big Family

This week I let the complaints flow freely to my friends at work. Crazy stories about a crazy in-law who was pushing my patience limits. My experiences with this particular relative seemed very unusual to me. I have never run into another woman like her. As I related stories from the previous couple days, my friend said, "We don't look alike, but now I know that we are related." She proceeded to share frighteningly similar stories about her in-laws. EEEK! There are two of them!!!

From recent experiences, I have decided that each family hold certain characters in its keep. Do you have one each of these? Perhaps you have to marry into another bunch of loonies to get the complete set. And NO family is playing with a full deck.

• The Dependent - A grown adult who chooses not to stand on their own two feet, and instead calls out for help on every occasion


• The Chronic Whiner - relentlessly complaining, no matter how little you care, or how often you have been told


• The Black Sheep - This position often shifts from one sibling to another as the years pass.


• The Angel - the Black Sheep's complement. Angel and Black Sheep can alternate frequently.


• The Achiever - No stopping this person. And no one can measure up.


• The Coaster - Can effortlessly land in a pile of shit and come up with a diamond.


• The Peacemaker - Somehow ends up pulling the family together just when you thought you couldn't stand each other.


• The Smotherer - Put on a sweater because I am cold. You can take it off when I warm up.


• The Provider - Steady and stable, making Thanksgiving dinner possible.

I think I want to change my roles. The Angel sounds good. It would be nice to never hear myself complain.

Siblings Forever

We opted to give our children siblings; life-long gifts to each other. Their own community in which to grow. Support each other. Be honest with each other. Argue. Compete. Love.

This week I had the rare opportunity to be with my siblings and parents for a long weekend. Just adults. Nothing special happened; we just spent time together. Laughed and gardened. Cooked and visited. It was refreshing to be in the company of people who know me and accept me as I am, with no expectations other than to be in the same house. No tension. 'Lotta love.

My kids are still young. They argue over chores, occasionally lash out and practice their communication skills on each other. Once they reach adulthood they will, hopefully, be past the bickering and just be there for each other. And hopefully, will find themselves with a special connection that lasts for life. One day, at a family reunion, I hope they look around at their children and their siblings and feel glad to have each one. I know I am.