Give Less, Get More?

This goes totally against my female thought processes. Stop giving.

When we were listening to the Venus/Mars book on tape, this topic was discussed. It was an eye-opener to me. Men are keeping score. I don't consciously keep score. Never have. Giving is just second nature. Being helpful to family members is a reflex.

My hubby needs a hand, dinner, or didn't get to the dishes... I help. Since he is keeping score, he owes me for each favor I do him. This was news to this brain. I help because I choose to. If I didn't want to give, I have that option. Each time he did something for the family or for me, he then felt he was caught up. He had given back. I see him working away, feel guilty because I am playing Sudoku, and pick up my pace. Then he has to catch up again. Poor guy. It would helped if I was aware of the scoreboard years ago.

This last weekend, he invited several guys over to watch football. He says he wants to keep it "simple." This is said to reduce any stress I may be feeling about what to serve. I normally cook a couple things and spend the game time running food and drinks up and down the steps. So I call him on it. "Sweetheart. I am glad you are having friends over. Are any of the wives coming?" No. They weren't invited. He assumed (no doubt, correctly) that they would rather have the afternoon free. "So," I say, "I could go shopping during your game?" After a brief moment of shock, he says, "OK. I can get the food." My look of disbelief spoke volumes. But he never fails to amaze me. He says, "I don't usually get the food because you do. If you don't I will."

Sheesh. Why didn't I think of that. All these years, I just needed to sit down. His sense of scorekeeping would have caused him to take a shift being the host. Now, if only I liked football.